Ahoy, folksies. I have a new idea! And it stems from my perceived inability to write tension without a threat of violence. But before I get all ahead of myself, let’s take a breath and explain. Athletes need to warm up (well, not according to Tallahassee from Zombieland, but whatever) and writers do, too. Because time—our most valuable yet most infuriatingly difficult to use resource–is limited, one might as well make the warm-up also developmentally worthwhile. I mean, want to get that swole writer bod? Then never spend a word willy-nilly.…
In a society that so values monetary success, understand that the immediate lack thereof is not a sign of failure, nor is it a symptom of bad writing or flawed ideas, though that’s an easy go-to excuse.
So, trying to will your book into viral popularity is like the guy I saw driving down the freeway with a mattress strapped to the top of his car and one hand out the window, as if he could stop a freakin’ mattress (read: fluffy, spring-loaded SAIL) from flying off his car.
Dear n00b social media adventurer, the lands of Facebook are plagued with bad videos and oversharing. It is your solemn duty to post something funny, witty, and concise, and acquire 10 likes. Good luck.